Sunday, December 28, 2014

Classic Review: Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh

*WARNING!!! This contains spoilers regarding the ending of Merry Christmas, Drake & Josh. Read at your own risk*

It's no secret that I love Drake & Josh. If you saw my list of my top 5 Nick shows, you know that I placed Drake & Josh at number 1. This show is nothing but a piece of comedy gold and I always have a blast watching it. The show ended in 2007, and then came out with a Christmas movie a year later. Did it hold up to the series well? Let's find out.

The story begins with the boys' parents leaving for a tropical vacation. Then Drake and Megan come home to Josh putting up an inflatable snowman in the yard. Megan takes a pair of scissors and cuts the rope, causing it to float away. Josh runs after it, but doesn't catch it.

Then Drake and Josh are going to the Premiere Theater, where Josh works. Drake tells Josh about a party he's throwing on the Premiere roof, but Josh doesn't approve because he thinks his boss Helen would fire him. Drake then tells Josh that he talked to Helen and she's cool with it as long as she's invited (and they serve churros).

They get upstairs and Helen tells them that she was late because of a snowman blocking up traffic. Josh tells her that it was his snowman, so she slaps him for making her tardy. She then has Drake be the mall Santa, even though Josh is skinnier than him, even after loosing all that weight. Josh instead gets to be Santa's toy bag.  Drake, while playing Santa, is making out with a  hot girl (his age, and that's not something Santa does if you don't already know) then the next girl, who is overweight and not quite as attractive (and also his age) demands some of what the last girl was getting, so Drake starts running.

While he's running, he meets a a young girl named Mary Alice (who is not his age) asks him for her and her family to have the best Christmas ever. He promises her that they would. It's a Christmas promise, and it's said in the movie that you can't break a Christmas promise. Drake didn't realize at the time that he was going to have to give them the best Christmas ever. He only said that because he was being chased and had to get moving. After talking to Mary Alice, he steals an electronic wheelchair to escape from the overweight girl.

At the party, Drake performs Jingle Bells. Josh's girlfriend Mindy tells him that she'll be gone for the holidays visiting her grandparents, leaving him upset. Crazy Steve then shows the boys pictures on his phone of him and a woodchopper he calls Sally. Craig and Eric then tell Drake that he should perform Jingle Bells in the Christmas parade, but tells them that parades are for losers and that he's going to Vegas (yes, Las). Josh is upset because Christmas is supposed to be a family time. They then see some uninvited guests crashing the party. Josh decides to call the cops on them, but when they arrive, they arrest him. With his attention turned away from Drake, he falls off the roof and lands in the back of a pickup truck, which drives off with the cops trailing close behind.

When the truck turns at an intersection, Josh tumbles out, allowing the cops to take him to jail, where he meets his cellmate, Bludge, who tries to beat him up at first, but then Josh entertains him with magic tricks. This causes Bludge to change his mind about Josh. Then Josh is on the phone with Drake, who got a lawyer with Josh's money, but when he went to meet the guy, he told Drake he had to pay in advance. He gave him the money, then he drove off in his car, which had a license plate that said "Fake Lawyer."

Then Drake hangs up when Helen tells him that a girl wants to talk to him. It's Mary Alice, who recognized Drake's voice from his music. She tells him about how they need a good Christmas because of a sick foster mom and a busy foster dad. Drake realizes that he must keep this promise, but he needs Josh's help, so he breaks him out of jail. He gets caught immediately after, and they are both sent to court. Helen acts as their lawyer, and tells the judge about Mary Alice and her foster family. She tells him that they made a Christmas promise, and if he sent them to jail, he would be just as responsible as they would be for not keeping it. He decides he won't send them to jail if they can keep their promise.

They then meet their parole officer, Officer Perry J. Gilbert, who says that he will take a vote from Mary Alice's family on Christmas morning, and that if it's not unanimously yes, they're going back to jail. He then gives them ankle bracelets to keep track of them. The next day, they're driving to Mary Alice's house debating what they should do to fulfill Drake's promise. They're getting directions from a GPS Drake bought online for $6, and it doesn't give you much warning. Every time it only gave them 5 feet of warning, except for the last time, when it only gave them 3 feet of warning. On the last one, the take out a fire hydrant, which gets their English teacher, Mrs. Hafer, wet. She blurts out "I hate you, Drake Parker!" as they drive off. They are then pulled over by Officer Gilbert, who tickets them for reckless driving. The GPS then says "Congratulations! You have arrived." even though they hadn't, so Josh threw it out the window. After Drake told him that he owes him $6, the GPS said "Recalculating."

Upon arriving at Mary Alice's house, they meet her foster siblings: Lily and Violet, two twins who frequently pound on each other, Zigfee, a foreign guy who speaks an unknown language, Trey, a know-it-all, and Luke, Mary Alice's rebellious older brother who refuses to who refuses to participate with everyone else. They try a variety of things, like make Christmas cookies and get a Christmas tree, but they all end badly. Officer Gilbert doesn't make things any easier. After fining them for reckless driving, he hires some guys to steal the clothes off their backs so he can fine them for public nudity, then has their car towed away because it's blue. They can get it back from the impound lot, but for a hefty fine.

When they get home, they put on some clothes, then go to Megan for help. She won't do it at first, but then they tell her a story about a Smith Royal oboe. It was played by Drake's friend Trevor's grandfather. After he retired, he gave the oboe to Trevor, who then gave it to Drake, who said he would give it to Megan if she helped them. Their story, of course, is a lie. Trevor's grandfather was a mens room attendant in Puerto Rico. But Megan buys their story, so she removes the chips from the ankle bracelets and then messes with Officer Gilbert. However, when she discovers the truth, she puts their ankle bracelets back and tells them to deal with Officer Gilbert themselves.

They start to think Officer Gilbert hates them, so Josh tries to find out why on the internet. He has no luck there, but he found out where his mother lives. They go there and she tells them that her son doesn't hate them, but Christmas. When he was eight, he got a monkey for Christmas, but when he let it out of it's cage, it attacked him, then leaped out the window, causing him to hate Christmas and monkeys ever since. To fix this, Josh goes online to a website called (if you actually try to go to it, you'll be redirected to and gets Officer Gilbert a monkey with a certificate of sweetness. The next day, the boys make the foster kids Christmas caroling, but every house they go to closes the door on them after the first day of Christmas. So they instead perform it in the foster kids front yard, and then decide to perform it in the Christmas parade.

At the Christmas parade, Officer Gilbert meets Crazy Steve, and tells them to loudly remind the boys that they'll go back to jail if they don't give the kids the best Christmas ever. He does that, and then the kids say that they'll vote "no" and leave. Later that night, Officer Gilbert goes to his office and finds the monkey, completely changing him.

Drake and Josh decide to keep their promise no matter what, so they decide to make it snow. So they borrow Sally from Crazy Steve, go to Mary Alice's neighborhood, and put big blocks of ice into it - uh, her. But instead of snow, they get ice. It starts destroying the neighborhood before it knocks them out. The next thing they knew, it was morning, and they were in their room. Officer Gilbert tells him that him and some guys brought him home the previous night and that he explained to Mary Alice's family what really happened. Then he told them that they were going to have to go back to jail. Drake tried to escape out the window of transparency (watch the episode Josh is Done if you don't know what that means) before they were both handcuffed and taken downstairs.

When the got downstairs, they learned that that Mary Alice's family and some friends of their's were down there to surprise them. Then Officer Gilbert took the vote, and everyone voted yes, including Zigfee, who learned his first English word. Then it was snowing in their yard, which was strange because they live in San Diego. Turns out, Crazy Steve got Sally to make snow by throwing big blocks of cheese into her (7,000 lbs. to be exact). He called it nature's fruit. Then Drake and Josh's parents return home. Everyone plays in the cheese snow as they truly have the best Christmas ever.
*End of spoilers*

I had as much fun watching this as I do watching any Drake & Josh episode. It's always hilarious to watch and a blast to see what situation the boys get into. If you love Drake & Josh, then you'll love this movie.

Final Score: 5/5

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